rollercoaster update

My emotions, thoughts, life are so up, down, over, around, under, above, all over the darned place that is nearly impossible for me to blog without either dissolving in tears or hysterical laughter.

Neither is a very appealing option as I recline on the floor of my coworkers apartment to steal internet for a few hours... so I will try to keep it together long enough to post a little update.


I will start with the negative, because I like to end on a chipper note. ;)

After I wrecked my car, the garage I sent it to gave me a loaner car for awhile. Last monday night I drove said loaner up north to visit some friends and got lost on the way home. I finally found the expressway and would have made it home before midnight when I glanced at my gas gauge and noticed I was nearly on empty. So off I went into the unknown, searching desperately for a gas station open that late at night... something that is not so common on this little island.
Finally I stopped in at a convenience store and they (charades-style) directed me to a self-service station. Sweet.
I pulled up to the pump around midnight, sleepily punched some buttons (guessing at the Japanese), and began to gas up. When the tank was full, I set the nozzel back on the pump only to notice, in large English letters, the word "diesel" printed across the top.

Now, I am completely car illiterate. I honestly didn't even know how to pump gas properly until earlier this year, but even I knew that putting diesel in a non-diesel car was a bad thing.
So I got back in the car, put my head on the steering wheel, and shook back the sleepy trying to think. Should I risk it and just drive home? I just wanted to go home. Luckily, I decided to consult the source of all worldly wisdom: google search. The first result said something along the lines of, "Whatever you do, don't start your car, you car-illiterate moron!!"

To make a long story short, I spent the night at a friend's, cabbed back to my car in the morning, slept in the oppressive heat in my car for three hours, got a tow truck ride back to my home town, and had to face a very unhappy supervisor and vice principal for missing a day of work (don't worry, I called ahead of time and told them I wouldn't be in.)

Feeling pretty low, I bummed rides/walked to and from work for a couple days, and then gathered my courage to beg for the car back. On the trip home, exhausted, flustered, stressed, and not entirely focused, I turned into oncoming traffic in front of a cop and my supervisor.

I avoided another accident (Thank you, God.) but this little incident put me over the edge and I was soon bawling on the phone with mom and hiding from my boss in the woman's bathroom. Not my proudest moment.

A few other things went wrong last week, and there were a few times when I wanted nothing more than to stay in bed and forget about the cruel world outside my door. I even dreamed about returning to Seattle once, but even in my dream I knew that was a bad idea. I am here, and committed, and no crappy week can change that.

When the weekend hit I passed up a couple opportunities to go out with friends and opted for a quite weekend in with a harddrive full of new "borrowed" movies and a fridge full of fresh fruit. Best choice possible.

This week I have a much better attitude about life here. Of course it is hard, and there are sooo many things which drive me crazy (like the fact that is going to take over two months to get interenet... ridiculous), and sometimes, in weak moments, I fall back into a grump, complaining mood, but there are SOOOOO many great things. Like my students, and my new friends, and my lovely apartment which is so comforting and happy, and a whole HOST of supportive people back home cheering me on, cheering me up, and urging me forward.