Reverse Culture Shock: Expectation vs. Reality

I've been home from Japan for more than a month, but I haven't had much time to process all that madness. I regret not writing more about the transition process, but it was such an intense, overwhelming time, and I couldn't bring myself to put it into words. I'm still not sure I can. However, I will attempt to verbalize the whole reverse culture shock experience so far, and how my expectations have met or clashed with the reality.

Driving

Expectation: Terror. I'd driven more in Japan than I ever had in the U.S. I expected to be constantly driving on the wrong side of the road, failing to yield, and getting tickets all over the place.

Reality: Not that bad. I've only had the urge to turn into the wrong lane a few times and quickly corrected myself, and I haven't had any close calls at all. Yay! I've driven a surprising amount, too. Instead of driving on the wrong side of the road, I often enter on the wrong side of the car. Haha I sit down and go, "Where's the steering wheel?!" It's ridiculous. I also turn the windshield wipers on when I mean to use the blinker. Of course.


Food

Expectation: WAHOO! CHEESE! I'd missed a lot about food here, and every chance I got I'd be on base stocking up on the luxuries like coffee creamer, cereal, and--of course--cheese!! I knew I'd miss Japanese food, but I thought it'd take at least a few months of pigging out to get to that point.

Reality: Ugh. My stomach is upset more often than not, and I think the drastic diet change has a lot to do with it. There's just so much more fried food and dairy in my diet than there used to be, and I really need to keep an eye on my waistline... I would kill for my old farmer's market and a good kaitenzushi place. My brother's an amazing cook, though, with a really amazing mustache. So that's a plus!

Weather

Expectation: Yay, no humidity!! I love me some dry heat, and after sweating constantly for four years, I couldn't wait for an Idaho summer.

Reality: I.am.freezing! All the time! I knew after adapting to Okinawa's weather that I'd be cold eventually, but I thought October at the earliest. Nope. I'm constantly cold. Even in August! Whenever I walk into a store with air conditioning, I start chattering away. Now that the weather has cooled down a little, I can't escape the shivering, even when it's sunny. And my wardrobe isn't exactly prepared for cooler temperatures, either. It's going to be a loooong winter.

Shopping

Expectation: ALL THE CLOTHES! Gimme! I've never been much of a shopper, but when every store you go to carries only clothes that don't fit, or at best you are the largest size they carry, you start to long for a new item or two. Toward the end of my time in Japan, I was compulsively buying clothes, even if I didn't love them, simply because they FIT.

Reality: Shopping takes money... of which I have none. One of the great tragedies of my life is that when I had disposable income, I couldn't shop, and now that I can shop, I have no money. Ok it's not that tragic, but it does suck a little. Especially when winter is coming. *dread*

Work

Expectation: Whatever it takes. I knew I wouldn't be able to stand being unemployed long, and I especially knew I wouldn't be able to afford it, so I completely prepared myself to take any jobs that came along. I was willing to scrub floors, wait tables, shovel horse manure, whatever it took to stay busy and pay the bills.

Reality: Subbing, ftw! So far subbing has kept me very busy, AND I love it! I get to work in my career field, gain experience in a variety of classroom settings, learn from the other teachers, and get to know the school in and out. So far, I've mainly been subbing in the elementary school, but am hoping for some high school days, too. :)  I've worked almost every day for a couple weeks, and if this keeps up, I might not need a second job! Although I am still looking for one just in case. Anyone need a nanny? House cleaner? Horse-poo-shoveler? ;)

People

Expectation: Easy communication with everyone! Hoorah! It's tough not being able to communicate fully with the people around you. It affects every aspect of your life, really, and I found it was often a hurdle to building relationships in Japan. I still made some great Japanese friends, mostly thanks to their amazing English skills, but it was always a bit of a struggle. I thought moving home would be such a relief on that front. 

Reality: Anyone out there? The hardest thing has been the change in my social life. This is certainly a small town, and there aren't many people my age with common interests. I miss having a pool of great friends to call on. For awhile there I felt extremely lonely, but it is getting better. A few old friends have sprung up and I'm gradually making new ones. Hopefully when I have extra cash I'll be able to spend more time in the "big city" and actually get out once in awhile. However, I do get to spend tons of quality with my family which I LOVE. :) It's so nice just to be able to walk up the road to Mom and Dad's house, help my cousins with their homework, give my nieces and nephews big hugs, give my grandparents a kiss goodnight. I am so lucky to be near them all again!

To sum up, returning home has been a bit of a mixed bag. I know it will continue to be a struggle and an adjustment, but I'm happy to be here, and I'm thrilled with the direction my life is going. I'm moving forward and growing, and that's really all I can ask for. Thanks for stopping by!

The Monster Inside

I have never been one for confrontation.  Call it middle child syndrome or a naturally peaceful disposition or just plain cowardace, but when something gets on my nerves I almost always hold my tongue.  Sounds perfect for living in Japan, the passive aggressive capital of the world, does it not?

 

Chigaou!*

I hadn't realized it, but the extreme passivity of Japanese culture is too much, even for me. All the complaints that I have bottled up have begun to vent themselves... without my permission.

 

Just in the last month I have snapped on at least three occasions for offenses ranging from the extremely menial (persistent reminders in a facebook game) to the more peeving (America stereotypes) to the truly obnoxious (extremely loud neighborhood announcements at 7 a.m. on a Saturday. Screaming back at loudspeakers doesn't make me insane, does it?).

In almost all of these cases, I would normally just suck it up, keep the peace, say nothing... but there's a monster growing inside me. And if I keep feeding it all of my frustrations, irritations, and disappointments, I'm afraid it will take over completely.

I need guidance. How can I remain culturally sensitive and peacefully disposed without totally losing my marbles? Because, at this rate, the next sweet little granny who pats my belly and asks when I am due will be able to examine the contents of my stomach from the inside.

...'cause I'm gonna eat her.

The End.

*Chigaou is a Japanese expression which literally means "it's different" but is used in place of "no" because it's less confrontational... See what I did there?

Konpa Craziness!

I've been in Japan only a short time, and have been single in Japan for an even shorter time, but I have already collected a few interesting dating stories in this new country. In the interest of protecting the innocent (namely, me).

I won't tell you all of those stories, but there is one story I cannot keep to myself, a date of such strange cultural significance that I feel it my duty to divulge the tiniest details of the evening to you, my avid reader (namely, Tasha).

~

It all starts with a Facebook, as do most things in this modern age, and a message from a JET acquaintance, the first line of which immediately catches my attention: "Hi ReBekha, this might be the weirdest messages ever since we don't really know each other, but do you want to go on a Japanese group date that me and my boyfriend are arranging?" (slight rephrase)

The Details: A group "social networking party" in traditional Japanese style with a carefully fixed ratio of men to women: five female foreign English teachers, five male Japanese chefs. This style of meeting is called "konpa" and started with Japanese University students in order to develop their social circles. It is not always mixed gender nor it is it only geared toward dating--sometimes a konpa is arranged with all people from a certain major, degree, career field, interest group.

My contact promises the evening will be, if nothing else, "entertaining."

I, already weary of those close-shaven, muscular types some call "Marines" and looking for a change of scene, agree to attend.

As the date approaches, I--for certain reasons (namely, T)--become less eager to meet these men, but I maintain my promise none-the-less. If nothing, this will serve as an interesting cultural anecdote, I reassure myself.

Finally, on the night of January 16th, I throw on a carefully planned outfit (casual, cute, but not too cute) and stride off to meet my fellow English teachers/future konpa victims. We twitter nervously as we walk, all in jeans and heels as if planned, toward the small izakaya (restaurant). This is when we commit our first faux-paux: we arrive early.

Now, I did some research about these konpa things before hand, but it's not until after the date that I read about the expected male-female roles: gals arrive late (oops), we sit interspersed (oops), all make formal introductions (oops), men provide entertainment (ok... sorta), and women make sure the drinks are filled (oops).

The izakaya is just opening and it is completely abandoned. A server greets us in Japanese and seats us at a long, thin table with three small burners down the center. A couple of us try to space ourselves out so that the guys will sit amongst us when they arrive, but that plan soon dissolves and we all end up huddled to one side of the table.

Gradually, the guys arrive. At first there are just two of them, who sit at the other far end of the table quietly. I, ever so bold, greet them with a "Hello!" and their eyes grow wide, "Do you speak Japanese?" they ask, in Japanese. We answer our heads yes, no, or sort-of as per our individual levels, and the boys seem surprised that about half us are less than proficient.

I take it they don't speak English, either.

As the evening progresses, the language barrier continues to be a problem. The nabe pots full of broth, veggies, and meat cook and are eaten: drinks are ordered, downed, and re-ordered (thanks to the guys who kept a steady eye on our drink levels): and conversation... goes. It halts, drops, flows for awhile, loops, and dies.

Nabe for One, originally uploaded by bananagranola.

This is what nabe looks like. I didn't take many photos.

Finally, after almost two hours, the guys take the initiative and break up our awkward seating arrangement. Once we are spaced out in a roughly guy-girl format, the conversation begins to pick up, and soon all of us are laughing at some ridiculous joke, gesture, or mistranslation.

A lot of the conversation was centered on questions to get to know each other. Important questions such as: where are you from? where do you work? in a relationship, do you dominate or do you like to be dominated?

ahem.

Not quite typical date conversation in my world, but apparently it is here. Or at least on these kindsa dates.

One of my favorite moments of the night came when one of the guys tried to tell us more about his job. He didn't know the English so he did his best, with the accompaniment of a hand gesture. What followed became known (for eternity?) as the "sushi playa dance." I wish the video I took on my cell phone worked. Just trust me when I say: it was epic.

The final tale of my konpa date will reveal to you just how successful it was as a matchmaking endeavor (as far as I am concerned):

The gentleman who sat next to me was one of the oldest in the group. He, through another girl who knows MUCH more Japanese than me, asked all of us, "what are you looking for in a guy?" When it came my turn to respond I, half-teasingly, said I wanted to be able to communicate with him. At this comment, the guy next to me started speaking passionately in Japanese. I watched him as he talked, trying to guess his meaning through his gestures and expressions. The other JET translated some and apparently he said something along the lines of, "our love can surpass language barriers," which made me laugh. A lot. Then he continued, passionately gesturing and speaking in English.

I watched his face, only about a foot away, and was desperately trying to guess at his meaning when he turned toward me,

leaned forward,

pursed his lips,

and kissed at me.

I screamed.

I nearly fell out of my chair, and I screamed.

I screamed like a scared little girl with a rat in her room.

When everyone at the table realized what had happened, they didn't leave me alone for the rest of the evening. It didn't help that my face involuntarily turned the color of my scarlet sweater every time he looked at me. And my ears. My poor ears were on fire. This encouragement prompted my seat buddy to kiss at me innumerable times, and caused me to try and climb out the window. Literally.

This guy. He is wearing an earring in this photo.

At the end of the night, I waved (from a safe distance) goodbye and left the rest of the group to move on to karaoke. I had work in the morning, and a phone call to make. ;)

So, despite the awkward, the language barrier, and the embarrassment, I am glad I went. If only for the sushi dance and the bonding with my fellow lady JETs.

If some day in the future I am single and am asked, I might consider going to another one of these konpa things again... maybe.

Stage 1: Culture Shock in Japan

During one of our Tokyo training sessions (a lecture on culture shock), our very entertaining speaker discussed the "stages" of culture shock. I thought it might be interesting to track mine so I will start at the beginning.

Stage 1: Euphoria. This is when you find everything different about the new culture to be utterly fascinating and awesome. Upon making new discoveries you may exclaim: "I love Japan!"

How Stage 1 has manifested itself thus far:


-Vending machines. Whether you want pop, noodles, cigarettes, or beer, Japanese vending machines are there for you.

Vending machine restaurant.
Push a button and get a meal ticket.
Super convenient!

-The toilets. I love the noise making feature which covers up the awkward noises that other people could be hearing.


-The city: OMG. This place is huge. Just the view from my hotel room is breath-taking... I can't see where the city ends!! I hear the view from Tokyo tower is even more startling.



-The people. Both Japanese and other. I am meeting a ton of cool people on this trip. Shout out to my fellow Okinawans!

-The signs. So bright and confusing and beautiful... I have taken dozens of sign photos. I will spare you.

-the food! Ramon, Izakaya, sushi, coffee... all good experiences so far. Except for the strange pink, grainy substance in my bento box tonight. And roe. I never like roe.

Yum = ramon

Yuck = potato chip salad with mayo dressing

-The mirror. It is heated in the perfect place so that when I get out of the shower I don't have to wipe it down or wait for it to unfog before I can fix my makeup. Sweeeet.


-The money. I am preeettty sure I dreamed in yen last night. It is so exciting to whip out a 1000 yen bill and blow it at starbucks. :P(My roommate woke up to go to the bathroom and I asked her (in my sleep) "should I buy this?" and then "I don't want to break a hundred.")

-Electronics stores!! sooooo many NIkons! Want. want. want.

-100 yen stores. Sweet selection, excellent price.


-strangely themed Izakaya restuarant... think dungeon + jail + laboratory. Awesome.


I am sure there is more, but it is time to prepare for a night on the town. Only 9 p.m. and the night is young and promising! Night!!